<p>This is the account of a memorable voyage undertaken by the author and his friend and 'First Officer', Anto, from the Netherlands, through inland Europe, and out to Istanbul in Turkey, by river. Portraying the Danube as a 'Croad' compared with the motorway of the mighty Rhine, the author describes his entertaining, exhilarating and at times plain hairy trip 'up the Rhine and down the Danube'. The trip, which took two and a half years, although actual travelling time was only sixty-seven days, saw them travel 3,750 kilometres, during which time they went through ninety-four locks. They took in Holland, Germany, Austria, Slovakia, Hungary, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Romania before eventually ending up at their final destination, Istanbul, in Turkey. On their travels they had to contend with gales, fog and rain, strict and bribe-hungry officials, barges that dwarfed the tiny Dutch cruiser, not to mention the strong currents, high waves and massive locks along the way. Arriving in Istanbul in one piece (despite a smoking engine), the author completed the voyage of a lifetime, and this is his story.</p>